think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
