Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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