i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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