I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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