I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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