somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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