i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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