you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
