whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
