At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
