This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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