Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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