I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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