At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
