I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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