if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
