does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
