is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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