i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
