Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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