the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
