Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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