Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
