you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dick very happy bro
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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