Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
