shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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