I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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