dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
