This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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