Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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