It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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