Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
