how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
