It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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