dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
