her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
