Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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