She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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