He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
