You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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