All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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