she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
