Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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