Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
