Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
