i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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