oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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