Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
