i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
