I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
