Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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