I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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