There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
