mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
