every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
