It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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