this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
