I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Houston, we have a blender
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
