Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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