am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
