those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
