i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
