I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't deserve a penis
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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