Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
