God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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