There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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