glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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