i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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