If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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