I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
