I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
