i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
