Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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