Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
